Life has changed so much since my last entry. Its felt as if everytime I would sit down to begin, life would completely change again. My goal here has been to share the tapestry of my journey in leading with my truth. Since 2020 I have been on a mission to connect with my ancestry and uncover myself. Every chapter thus far has been of great influence. And every time it contributes to the journey I sit and begin to tell the story. This entry holds so much more than the others as it is the foundation of my mentality. In this entry I hope to share the value of the culture and how it is applied to modern living.
Many people are familiar with Mjölnir as Thör's hammer. A symbol of warfare, protection, security, and agriculture. Forged in the flames as a gift of honor , and adulterated by the mischief of Loki. It is worn by many as a representation of their heathen path, this sacred object was and is a beloved symbol. Many wear it even to this day. With my journey into reflexive Nordic ritual I couldn't bring myself to obtain one without the right moment to do so. Dancing with the Gods is not to be taken lightly. When they choose you outside of your own requests you must take heed and let them lead. I find myself so lost in wanderlust with them as they lead me down a path of connection. The way they connect and share their stories is profound. Even my dreams have changed entirely from the chapters prior to this one. Such is necromancy I am told. I follow every whisper given and answer only what is asked. Doing so has led me to rearranging my life as they see fit. I followed the whispers through the quarantine of 2020 and opened up as a "witch". A modern völva carrying the vibration of many ancestors forgotten. Whatever I could do to be closer.
I found myself in search of healing to get closer to the divine. For that portion feel free to read chapter 3 of this experience. Sharing the literal ritual and practice hasn't been a goal for me. It has truly been about connecting and sharing through a perspective that can be relatable even outside of practice. However the further down the rabbit hole I go , it almost feels necessary to share a little more. The content provided so far have been literal rituals caught in motion. While my intents and details are personal the actual act of that is being shared.
The first was ritual was for Fehu. It is a rune I have used since 15 years old. A symbol of the divine abundance brought by hard work. This symbol was also , for me, a direct reference to my Deity Freyja. When I was younger I chose her. Even before I knew of my ancestry , Her story and archetype are something that greatly resonates with my own values. Every traumatizing moment in my journey was followed by that chant.Sometime even during. for instance, I was working for a reality tv show as a makeup artist once. Booked for makeup to become "The on camera gay best friend" in the following season. This experience was very humiliating and traumatizing. I would be brought to tears on purpose for the name sake of entertainment. I am still not fully prepared to share the detailed nature of that experience but will share what I can comfortably. After signing my agreements everything began changing. My excitedness and gratitude to even be there would be abused and used to humiliate me. One day on set I stepped away into a field where I would silently cry to myself. Softly singing my Fehu chant the breeze would kiss my cheek and the grass would stand stillI. I told myself that had to turn these tears into diamonds. this strong vibration would have to be manipulated into manefestion. It hurt, but it helped. Despite my experience with abuse and trauma nothing could prepare for signing an agreement to be life changing but endure daily abuse to get there. The nature of mental abuse was so bad that the other makeup artist and I would have wake up extremely early to even engage in a very small whisper conversation about going back home. It was the moment I was informed that I would have to leave behind my own projects and work, that I knew this wasn't it. "You can't mix camps" , He said referring to our unit. So many tears that fell to the ground carrying the vibration of Fehu in that experience. Every tear drop that hit the sidewalk of LA, I told myself would return as joy. Being told I would have to leave behind my identity, I came home with a vengeance to stand firmer in my own journey. I shared my respective ritual with the undertones of my work in fashion and Beauty. A glamour witch.
I no longer wanted to hide my values. For so many years as a public artist there was so much speculation of witchcraft within my peer community. Ive been using witchcraft in the studio since day one to be completely honest. It was always my intention to keep that in my development as an artist. I have never felt the need to explain or seek validation for my practice. So much of what I know I already knew before being taught, so it felt very personal. I would never discuss it at events. Change the topic even. Hiding became obsolete idea during quarantine so I stopped. Begging a new chapter once again with Fehu. Moving into the future, I began developing my galdr invocation for Ansuz. Ansuz is the rune of ancestral wisdom. Often referring to the all father Odin and his relationship with the YggdrasilI. I used this to help me further connect as I created a conceptual approach to my next rite of passage. I Wanted this to be a conceptual reflection of my experience in this life. Reflecting upon the exploitation and abuse of my people. Sold up the river in the namesake of world politics and commerce.
After my Galdr invocation of Ansuz life began shifting. I was shifted from the industry of beauty and fashion and brought into the industry of animals. And truth be told the animals called for more connection.
With Thor being the protector of Midgard *Earth*, many saw Thor's hammer in association to the agricultural aspects of the Nordic culture. Animals have been an amazing conduit into that chapter.
From the routines to the enrichment it strengthens your connections in ways Im not entirely sure how to articulate. With my new connection to animalistic virtues I felt closer to the land. The land was and is very important to Heathenry. Its facilitates us all. Life perpetuating life with many ways to improve it within your own local community. Any chance to be closer.
For the last two years I have been working to develop, formulate, and launch a skin care project with Memphis graduate Whitney Jones. Funded by Ewitches.com, we wanted to not only give back to our community by funding a Memphis student but also strengthen our connection to the land. With 100% vegan ingredients we used the bounty of mother Earth to create products of healing and rejuvenation. Unlike any other project I worked before, this one called for patience above all else. Formulation was process of trial and error. And as if that is not enough you have to wait to see how long its last before going bad.
Natural ingredients call for a different approach than the alternatives. Ive spent many years with beauty and skin industry. And if Im entirely honest it wasn't til this experience that I would call myself knowledgable on the matter. Many days and nights were spent juggling product experimentation and execution. The quarters of our lab always smells of lavender and lemon grass. To this day those smells still activate the butterflies in my tummy. As we drew near the end of our first phase entering 2022, we began to get ready for launch. But for me that meant more than working packaging, pr, and branding. I needed to obtain offerings. Everything I do is truly to further connect to my ancestors. I want to share and be an honor amongst our breath. But before I could address them I had to address her divine glory.
In February of 2022 we wrapped up our first batch of products and began planning launch. This gave me time to create an offering for both Freyja and My ancestors. As mentioned in previous blog I wrote what was called a Mannsöngr. These were songs directly associated to the cult of Freyja. Songs that directly celebrated the erotic notions of sexuality. It was this very thing that led to the legal persecution of the cult. I ,living in a free world, felt like it would only be appropriate to create my own modern Mannsöngr. In honor of her divine glory I gave in to the shameless exaltation of sex. In celebration of Beltane we released the song with a video. I adorned myself as an elf to praise the divine brother Frey. Ruler of the elves, fertility, and keeper of Álfheimr. I dropped my sword and assumed my Seidr.
*video Included in the link due to its adult nature* Everything for the Mannsöngr fell into place so easily. Production was wrapped up leaving enough time to create a gift for my ancestors and begin on another rune incantation. In Seidr , we invite the ancestors with a song. That song is called a Vardlökkur. Sometimes it is done with a group and sometimes it is done solo. It is however a song directly asscociated to inviting ancestors , always before a ritual. Seperate from the spirits called on by the runes, known as Fylgia. With this song we open the gates inviting our ancestors to accompany us. To experience whatever they have been called to accompany on. So many of my people have been murdered and robbed of history. Every chance I get to invite them into the modern free world is an honor. I can't imagine that freedoms I must have in comparison.
Sometimes tears fall when they share their stories. In the midst of surrender I find myself reliving memories belonging to someone else. Sometimes they come in dreams to share their story. Letting me experience them as I let them experience me. Crafting my Vardlökkur was very special to me. It allowed me to embrace my Non-Binary perspective in ritual. As the divine feminine facilitated my body I allowed to divine masculine to facilitate my vocals. Letting my breath carry the rhythm I found myself in a new high. I invited Sister Carter of TcHighvibes.com to accompany me in the visuals. Its not everyday that witches likes ourselves get the opportunity to exalt our ancestors in such a manner. It felt nice to have someone there who got it without having to explain what it was that we were doing.
Every moment of dancing in the smoke felt like a dream. I was there for some of it. There was a moment where I took three steps towards the camera in the midst of the smoke and something came over me. I felt someone else's emotion. I kept this to myself as I didn't want to distract. But like most of these situations I carried into the studio to finish up my current rune invocation. While this walk is far from over this next rune marks the end of a chapter for me in this life. So many years were spent chasing validation and love. So many years were spent doubting myself and giving in to the abuse I have endured. Laguz is the rune of water. Often referred to in practice for healing. We wanted to do something different for this sound. I wanted my expression to recreate the feelings with music. As I continued to connect with the land , I wanted to incorporate sounds the reflected the land I was from. The guitar for me was a representation of the witches of the south in America. Running barefoot in the woods and swimming in a creek. The soft vocals for me were the surrender of control. and the harmonizing was the fortitude of my perseverance.
My life changed in so many ways upon completion. Sacrifices were made and brought me to today where I would again sit and share my thoughts in a blog. Only this time I got to tie it all together in one setting allowing the viewer to walk with me and my ancestors. Im super grateful to get to do this. All my life I searched for purpose only to discover the purpose was for me to enjoy and share. So many still live unaware of the truth they have been robbed of. Weeping ancestors roaming alone and forgotten. May this entry be for them. May they be invited. I love you. and Im so grateful for all you have done for all of us to be here. I write this on the night before Samhain *Halloween*. We are scheduled to release the graduate/skin project for the Day of the dead *November 1st*. Tomorrow I will take a day to invite them and share our plans. We together will summon the fylgia for the proper runes and send our potions into the Ether of e-commerce in modern Midgard . We are super excited to share the skin project with you guys. So much love and work was put into yielding results. Thank you for sharing this entry with me. There is without a doubt, more to come. It is truly a blessing to be received. Praise Freyja.